Tuesday, March 31, 2009

someone said...

"that girl is the only reason anyone does anything anymore"


Friday, March 20, 2009

not a fairy tale

late, or early 
i'll bring the scissors  
you bring the heat 
they'll be only our eyes, so
they'll be no puppeteer 
because we don't have strings 
you're a real boy 


Friday, March 13, 2009

they're gone 
to the south and to the north and then later some east 
all packed up 
intellectualism and sleep goes great with their whiskey and racket 
rolling away
for the thrill

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


so much
so fast
too much
i get sick
too easy
fear? naw
on my part
to throw up
this is me
throwing up

see you next
i have work to do
don't trip
i mean do
i mean

Monday, March 9, 2009

"no longer easy on the eyes"

they're leaving 
and don't notice 
they're forgetting 
till they come back 
or remember 
i'll stay and hope, it was a accident   

this is not pretty or thought out

i came home to the smell of cookies baking, 
after a stressful day, there's almost nothing better 
gooey and delicious, oh gosh, 
i ate 4.... ok 5..... alright fine 6.  
and with each bite melted away my stressful day 
and night to come 
oh i'm not going to sleep tonight 
but for now, maddie's playing softly and i can't ask for anything more lovely, or relaxing 
and i had some cookies 
so i'm smiling amidst the everything 
i'm going to go to the library, i hate it there
stark white walls and scowls.
my weekend was almost worth saying it was great 
except for situation i'd rather not be in 
some people don't think. 
no i don't want to be across the table from you while you're on a date... with one of my friends (i thought we talked about this, she said she wouldn't.... typical) 
you think that'd be common sense right 
hmm well it's not, 
not for anyone but ME apparently
and i didn't get to see some people i really wanted to and haven't in over a week, new friends missed. 
breathe hannah breathe... 
i have maddie's songs and cookies to keep me company 


matresses, boxes, progress

feeling incomplete 
like there's something out there that everyone else gets 
and i missed it 
i was probably late the day they told everyone 
i was busy 
getting good at nothing tangible 
nothing worth taking note of 
[oh i'm goin places right?]
and playing dress up with all the frills 
that's where i was
when everyone else was learning how it works 
how not to cry 
how to let yourself feel
so it doesn't build up until it's too much
and you just sink into your mattress 
swallowed by everything you were holding in a little box in the back 
that box wasn't as much of a fail safe way to deal as was thought 
that was the day that everyone learned how to wait to touch 
and how to put your eggs in a couple of baskets instead of one
one that screws you over 
how to make friends and not be afraid 
of people 
stupid baskets... mattresses, boxes, dress up, feelings 
oh lordy that sounds frivolous 
sometimes, why do i try.... i want pizza  

guess letting myself hurt sometimes 
can almost be good... i feel something now 
i almost forgot what it was like 
to have something sweep over you 
take over your body 
being out of your own control and in the control of the intangible 
but maybe 

Sunday, March 8, 2009

1000 journals

"we were all creative people at one point of our lives, now we go to work [or school] and sit in traffic... what happened?"

breaking in

so many things remind me of "that time" 
you know, the time when _________
(you fill in the blank) 
lines on the freeway 
dark hills up ahead  
that painting
the smell of smoke
he writes like you 
but not what you would write 
edited so long ago 
when i tie a bow in my hair 
or lay down absorbing the sun 
days spent on the couches 
oh to live, i remember 
that time... constant reminders 
"i'm getting rid of everything i own,
want some goggles or a party hat?"
certain glasses 
board games 
free minds
your singing again 
lost times  
living for now or whatever we find 
oh what is to live 

Thursday, March 5, 2009


to be near the half-cut smiles
so much truth 
so many decisions 
as to the state 
of mind.
but not me 

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

the good 'ol days are today, i learned

sometimes we like to think back on "when it was so good" 
but you know what, 
right now can be just as good, 
if we let it,
lets let it be great! 


recently i've been writing in short, and i think this one is going to be slightly more lengthy 
tonight my faith in something higher was restored or at least revitalized  
thanks to something that weekly i'm finding amazing 
something that's seeming to  speak volumes into my life 
and making me want to try.... for something 
1 corinthians 6:19-20 
i feel silly putting a bible verse 
but look at it 
as for me, i am not my own
i need to remember that 
and now, i want to. (remember) 

also tonight 
i stung a little 
but i dulled the sting and then turned it into joy and laughter and dancing 
i thank my friends 
that notice 
and care 
thank you 


i noticed God there 
naked souls lead me to joy

Sunday, March 1, 2009


i want to write notes 
but i don't have my little yellow paper anymore 
i'm afraid you might not know it's me... 
you said you kept the last one 
but you said a lot of things 
that you didn't actually mean 

put your mind away

all of the dancing 
didn't melt sadness like him 
he would fill the room 

book filled with stories 
mysterious times to come 
my anchor ain't here 

put on your disguise 
smile like there is no wrong 
with breaking heart chords 

a dismal thought

if you don't let yourself feel 
then nothing hurts