Monday, March 9, 2009

matresses, boxes, progress

feeling incomplete 
like there's something out there that everyone else gets 
and i missed it 
i was probably late the day they told everyone 
i was busy 
getting good at nothing tangible 
nothing worth taking note of 
[oh i'm goin places right?]
and playing dress up with all the frills 
that's where i was
when everyone else was learning how it works 
how not to cry 
how to let yourself feel
so it doesn't build up until it's too much
and you just sink into your mattress 
swallowed by everything you were holding in a little box in the back 
that box wasn't as much of a fail safe way to deal as was thought 
that was the day that everyone learned how to wait to touch 
and how to put your eggs in a couple of baskets instead of one
one that screws you over 
how to make friends and not be afraid 
of people 
stupid baskets... mattresses, boxes, dress up, feelings 
oh lordy that sounds frivolous 
sometimes, why do i try.... i want pizza  

guess letting myself hurt sometimes 
can almost be good... i feel something now 
i almost forgot what it was like 
to have something sweep over you 
take over your body 
being out of your own control and in the control of the intangible 
but maybe 

1 comment:

jamie said...

oh i could weep.

so right hannah, so right.