haikus express

reality stops

when i pick up that bottle

i drown and escape

for a moment felt

such closeness and light

shattered in time's grip

i cling to your lies

they are what keeps me afloat

my heart sobs in pain

if you knew my hurt

maybe not so complacent

please bleed as i do

circulatory

veins pump torment through my soul

father please hold me

haikus limit me

but they are the only way

to show what you've caused

yes i see your fear

oh, i see you trembling

i relish in it

boots

sometimes you just have to let yourself

sink

because

when you let everything hurt

incapacitate mutilate wrench bruise and lacerate

it's impossible to stay afloat anyways.

and tomorrow i'll pretend

i'm floating

from the bottom

shedding

i feel like a snake, that has just shed it's skin
new
vulnerable
and as if i've shed something tangible...
probably some inhibition

getting me by

licorice root
spearmint leaf
chamomile flower
skullcap leaf
cardamom seed
cinnamon bark
st. john's wort leaf
and flower
rose hip
orange peel
raspberry leaf
valerian root
english lavender flower
stevia leaf
passion flower
let steep

unreal reality composed of uselessness and frivolity

i want to talk about pain and confusion and heartache, you know the kind where it sinks and even hurts in your stomach, and i want to talk about dropping bombs and all these songs that keep my boots on. (the heavy kind of boots) i want to talk about icky thump and neutral milk, rediscovery, warped vinyls like bowls, useless bowls. i want to talk about how any strength of feeling was stolen from me, and i want to create without fear. i want to let go i want a picnic and i want to day dream about listening to music while laying and wasting summer days to come and the subsequent nights that will burn my brain with memories and thoughts like my tattered quilt.

i want to, but i don't
i want to but it's all too surreal
all too unreal, all too much apart of a brutal reality...
i want to but-- it would just be white noise

soup

sinus medicine

but my heart is actually beating like a metronome
and if this is my body agreeing with this song,
i want it to be a fleeting counterfeit imitation
is this my heart literally telling me that this is what it wants for once... and it chooses this.
i feel defeated....
trivial and trite
a confusion of colors that bleed through my skin like
i think i can see it squeezing through my forearm right now,
i'm watching
so is he
he is of no consequence because he's on paper
and doesn't know he's watching
red felt tip pen i'd imagine.
maybe it's just the fact that i can't breathe
maybe it's the contents of my stomach burning my throat, making a tempest of my insides
or maybe i really am just slowly going crazy
that's what they keep telling me
that i'm going crazy, one struggled breath at a time
or maybe it's just the fact that i can't breathe
i think i said that one twice... yup, i did. i'm going crazy i t h i n k i ' v e l o s t i t